Host: Welcome to ASL Battle! It’s not just a repartee, but a rip party! Yeah!
Audience: Yeah! Aroo!
Host: Now let’s see who is in this battle? Our first contender is the long-time gold belt carrying champion! The one and only Coach G! Our second contender has made several rounds to get here today and gained everyone’s attention. Coach Q! Yay!
Image of “ASL Battle: Coach G vs Coach Q”
Host: Come on out!
Coach G: Here I come with my mustache in style.
Coach Q: Here I go with my sideburns in style.
In a family’s home:
Parent 1: What would you like to watch on TV? You are my child and I want to learn ASL with you.
Parent 2: Hey, guess what! I just saw a TV show with ASL being signed really fast and it looks awesome.
Parent 1: Really?
At the boxing ring:
Coach G: Carrying my mustache in style.
Coach Q: Carrying my sideburns in style.
Host: Contenders ready! Set the timer! Go!
Coach G: I raise my arms up to sign and my forearms turn monstrously thick. When I drop my arms down, they shake the ground and the world. It makes your legs go weak.
Coach Q: My legs go weak? Ha! I sign so fast that it looks like I have 8 hands blasting all the air out and wiping the rainbow out! And the vacuum collapses your throat leaving you completely breathless!
Coach G: My throat left breathless? Ha! When my thick forearms from signing dropped down to the ground, it shook the volcano making it erupt. The lava flow burned the drummer’s bottom and dragged themselves away. This makes your skeleton crumble away leaving only your skin!
Coach Q: My skeleton crumbles away? Ha! Now this means my body is more flexible and let’s me sign even faster so that my 8 hands blow the air in your face, making you bat your eyelashes and your legs tremble to where everything goes over your head!
Coach G: Batting my eyes and it goes over my head? Ha! I make my forearms grow beastly and grow claws! With that, just one little comment and it blows you off your feet upside-down against the wall scared out of your mind.
Coach Q: I’m upside-down against the wall scared out of my mind? Ha! I crank my sign speed double time and my signs are a blur while I’m still on the wall. You see nothing but blur that go even more over your head making your brain turn to mush, and everyone sees why I am Coach Q.
Coach G: You’re so focused on your fast signs that you forget that there’s still a flow of lava rolling to you. Now your legs tremble in fear and I’m left to only lay my feet up and rest with my mustache in style.